Heart of Gold

House, September 20, 2019

House, September 20, 2019

I am sitting here, wondering what to write. It has been a week. I hardly had any photographs to look through. I couldn’t think of a song the put on. No song to jump start a memory or inspire. Then, I thought of Neil Young’s “Heart of Gold”. It’s kinda perfect. Don’t you want to jam along with Neil? I do.

D minor in bathtub

The keyboard was intended for my brother-in-law, a scholar in literature of the distant past. He would have played lush classical pieces on the keys. Instead, The Fates sent this keyboard into my more humble and rough hands, from which I delivered it unto the Hell of instruments, The Attic. There, it remained, uncovered, wrapped only in its power supply cord, which Jared had purchased to save on batteries that otherwise powered this keyboard.

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Oh, my heart is so soft

Then, Jared puts on the Sticky Fingers album by the Rolling Stones. After “Wild Horses”, Jared asks me what cheerful music we could listen to.

““Walking on Sunshine” by Katrina and the Waves?” I ask.

“Huh?” Jared replies.

“I’m walkin’ on sunshine, whoa oh. I’m walkin’ on sunshine…” I sing.

“Oh, yeah. Like that, but something else,” he says.

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I don’t wanna a holiday in the sun...Summer in Clarkston, Michigan

Clarkston, Michigan was a mostly middle class and upper middle class suburb. Jared and I were by no means either. Our privilege was whiteness, if that, because our whiteness was at least partly shadowed by our shabbiness and what might be called “artiness”, “bohemian air” or “punkishness”, and likely all three.

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11

How did I survive all this - being suddenly ill in my early twenties?

People like my family and friends, particularly my immediate family who navigated the transitiions and paperwork, and also my bandmates, roommates, and handful of tight friends.
Photography, particularly the self expression it allowed.
And, music, particularly making music. The self expression, the pull to perform, and go go go.

9 - Chic with Cane at the Plum Street Pub, New Brunswick

My bandmate leaned in and whispered, “You know, they are calling you ‘the hot chic with the cane’”. He was referring to the members of a Midwestern noise band on the bill we were also playing. My mouth twisted. “Oh,” I said. I thought, “Ugh!” and “Great!” simultaneously.

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Navigating Music

Navigating Music

Jared and I exchanged text messages - I encouraged Jared to enjoy the show and not worry about us (as best as a flip-phoner can text). I knew he'd be respectfully half-distracted as he wondered how we were doing. Navigating "taking turns" and remaining fair in family life is a big thing for us. I wanted to let him know I was happy, and especially happy if he was happy.

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