To love

wild ridge plants_yarrow Steve Sterling-0425.jpg

I savor my time with people. The people I love. The people I like. The people I don't yet know well enough to have a sense other than a sense of. People fill me up.

At the cafe last week, Beren pointed out a three person bicycle to me. Neither of us had seen such a thing. We laugh. We imagined what it might be like to ride one as a family.

"Well," I mused. "We'd all want to stop for different things. 'Oh, there's a cool rock! Let's stop!' you'd say. Papa, he would say, 'Look at those plants! Let's stop!'" We laughed.

I continued. "I'd say, 'Oh there's someone I know. Let's stop and say, 'hi'!'"

We laughed again. Yes, this is true.

"The bike would be going every direction!" we agreed.

Lately, I have felt the other side of enjoying people. Loving people so much and seeing sad and surprising things happen in their lives. And, I am helpless. It hurts. It hurts to love. I have felt a fear of loving and it hurts.

Lately, I have felt the joy of watching joyful moments. Growth and exploration. Sometimes happiness hurts, too. If my heart might grow any larger with joy, my ribs might crack. And I'd be  happy.