This morning. Kung fu outside. Working on staff. Too big for the house. Trying out my new camera, also.
Snow geese flew over. Hundreds. They sound like chaos.
OK, so that's the music piece, now, onto other items...
Thinking about 2017. A good, hard year. Like every year. Some years are hard, good. Others good, hard, like 2017.
I don't want to forget 2017.
The big farm trash pile went to the dump at the end of 2017. I am still celebrating.
Beren was six. Six was hard and good. Challenging. He desired and demanded independence. So did I, and yet we still rely on each other. Intertwined. He lives in the moment, and I realize that he might need a jacket later.
I felt the loosening of his need for me. I felt it strongly. I sat with it and enjoyed it. I felt the passing of an age. Other times, when Beren was giving me a mouthful packed with nastiness and hurtful words, I wondered, "This is what I have been waiting for?"
2017 was our first year of our new learning practice - home school. We played. We explored. We learned. We spent so much time together, and funny enough, there's not enough time, sometimes. It is good.
Jared was 40. He got started on all the trips and traveling he feared he would not get back to until age 50. He recharged his adventurous side. I'd say, he went for it in 2017. He committed to foraging more, writing more, and by the year's end playing music more. He achieved a meaningful professional accreditation.
We tuned up our parenting skills together. We bonded over how age six our son was. He is a dedicated and easy home school father. He is the good father I imagined him to be before we had a child.
Jared and I went to a couple weddings and danced. We had a lot of good love - mind your business! Wait, I suppose this is my monologue, so my fault for offering up my business. So, listen, we loved and laughed and it was a good year.
I was 42. It is simpler to talk about myself through those two guys I just mentioned. My Metal Tiger and Fire Snake. So what was I up to?
I worked on my mothering skills. I saw no other reasonable choice. I needed a booster shot. I hit the library. I sought out friends for their insights.
I committed to friendship. My friendships are really precious. I tried my best to be a good friend, to be solid, reliable, honest, open, generous, and available. And have fun! Writing these words, my, my. They may sound so general, and I am really feeling them. Feeling so vulnerable here. I guess it has been awhile since I gave my heart over to someone other than my husband and child.
Well. It is so humbling. Seeing friends experience hardships. Laughing together. Witnessing people in my life make commitments. Watching our children grow.
Ah, yes, and Jared and I made it to eighteen years. Eighteen years. Eighteen years. Together. Married five less than that, but it hardly matters. Not sure why I have been holding this number in my head, maybe because it is an important number in Judaism. Maybe because eighteen is very close to twenty.
Maybe because I secretly want to be one of those couples still dancing at the wedding when the deejay has slowly dismissed all the couples who have been married for less than five, ten, twenty, thirty, fifty years... from the dance floor. And Jared and I will still be there, dancing.
At our New Year's party, one of my aunts said that once you have been married for so long, you realize the hard times pass, and the good times always return. I felt that become true in 2017. He and I have been through enough dark to know that peace will come back.
I committed to writing and making photographs. At the end of 2016, I noticed I had written just thirty-nine blog posts. There was no going back and changing that, so 2017 had to be different. Jared had said, "Rachel, the artist, got trodden underfoot." We both had our creative rebirths.
I also felt I entered the age of mature woman. It just happened. I often have quiet voices say simple things to me, and this was one of them.
Another big one for me was asking, WHY IS THIS GIRL SO F/CKING SERIOUS ALL THE TIME? So, I am taking it easy, having laughs, and good love in these days of being over 40. I mean, I had to admit it when I bought women's vitamins for 40+.
I am in the Age of the Witch and Warlock, and it is righteous.