Darkness Visible: A Memoir of Madness by William Styron

Darkness Visible: A Memoir of Madness by William Styron, published 1990. Read it around 1994 or 1995. Picked it up at the library. Made an impression. I will have to read it again. All I can remember is really relating to it. I remember his phrase “autumnal plunge”.


How did I survive all this - being suddenly ill in my early twenties?

People like my family and friends, particularly my immediate family who navigated the transitiions and paperwork, and also my bandmates, roommates, and handful of tight friends.
Photography, particularly the self expression it allowed.
And, music, particularly making music. The self expression, the pull to perform, and go go go.

9 - Chic with Cane at the Plum Street Pub, New Brunswick

My bandmate leaned in and whispered, “You know, they are calling you ‘the hot chic with the cane’”. He was referring to the members of a Midwestern noise band on the bill we were also playing. My mouth twisted. “Oh,” I said. I thought, “Ugh!” and “Great!” simultaneously.

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I noticed I was faltering on writing about my illness. I took yesterday off from writing. In the morning, Jared and I saw financial professionals - friends - who were willing to talk shop with us. Afterwards, we picked up our son and celebrated a family member’s birthday well into the night. We returned to a chilly house, tired and stuffed with food. Bed called, not writing.

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